Uh...Seriously?

So some relatively attractive guy came into work today. He wanted candy. Like a well-trained employee, I asked him if he wanted any popcorn or soda to go with his candy.

This is the conversation that ensued.

(Keep in mind that this guy, although somewhat attractive, had an extremely slow, mellow, mumbled speech pattern. He was kind of like a ditzy blond but the male version and not as perky with a mixture of possible stoner brain, or genuine idiocy.) Anywho. Here's the conversation. And the place was dead so it was just me and him chatting over the counter.

Me: Would you like any popcorn or anything to drink?

Guy: **IN ALL SERIOUSNESS** "No. I'm trying to watch my figure."

Me: **FAKE PERKY TONE MIXED WITH EXTREME SARCASM THAT I DON'T THINK HE PICKED UP ON** "Yeah. Swimsuit season is right around the corner."

(THERE WAS KIND OF A LONG PAUSE HERE WITH ME STANDING BEHIND THE COUNTER STARING AT HIM CUZ HE DIDN'T SEEM READY TO PAY. HE THEN LOOKED DOWN AND RUFFLED THROUGH HIS WALLET, SLIGHTLY DISTRACTED, ALMOST LIKE HE WAS THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY AND SO I CONTINUED TO STARE AT HIM WITH MY "SERIOUSLY. CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?" FACE. ) THEN HE FINALLY LOOKED UP AT ME AND SPOKE AGAIN.

Guy: "Do I look tan to you?"

Me: **NO LONGER FAKE PERKY BUT BLUNT AND SLIGHTLY ANNOYED WHILE AT THE SAME TIME SLIGHTLY AMUSED THAT HE'S SERIOUSLY ASKING ME THIS QUESTION** "Yes. But then again, I'm pasty white so pretty much everyone looks tan to me."

Guy: "That's true. Do I look too tan?"

Me: **EXASPERATED TONE** "You don't look orange, if that's what you mean."

Guy: Ok. Good.

HE PROCEEDS TO PAY AND THEN LEAVES.

He was seriously like one of those really shallow, vain, and unintelligent guys who thinks he's all that and then some. The kind I thought only existed in the movies and television shows. But today this guy proved to me that I have been mistaken and that they actually exist in reality.

Now. I'm not really judging him on his intelligence. Maybe he's actually very intelligent but simply has a hard time communicating. And I'm not making fun of him just because he agreed to my declaration that I'm pasty white. I came to terms with my lack of color a long time ago. But I AM judging him on his vanity for he stood there for what seemed like forever, clearly only thinking about the depth of his tan, until he finally just decided to ask my opinion, if only to interrupt the warring inside his head over whether or not he should hit the tanning booth tomorrow. Let's just say, I no longer found this guy in the least bit attractive. I did consider him unintentionally humorous though.